20 questions

20 questions
Is it alive? No.
Do we own one? Yes.
Andy: is it a dead guinea pig?

dark omens

Andy: Can we just talk?

Me: OK what do you want to talk about? 

Andy: The awful happenings.

45 seconds of my life I'll never get back

Ben: Andy, am I lying?

Andy: Yes.

Ben: I'm not lying.

Andy: Haha! You're lying. I know you are.

Me: What is he lying about, Andy?

Andy: He's lying. I know he is.

Me: But he didn't say anything.

Andy: Yes he did. He's lying.

Me: Wait, what is he lying about?

Andy: He said he wasn't lying and he's lying.

Me: Andy, he didn't lie about anything. He didn't even say anything.

Andy: Yes he did. He said he wasn't lying and he was.

Me: But he didn't say anything!

Andy: Yes, he did. He lied.

Me, exasperated: Andy! You said, "Ben, are you lying?" And Ben said, "No". He didn't tell a lie. He just asked a question. There was nothing he said that he could lie about.

Andy: Yes he did. He lied.

Me: I don't understand what you two are talking about! This makes no sense!

Andy: No no no, Mommy. You missed the first part of the conversation. You didn't hear when Ben said, "Am I lying?"

Me: Yes I did! That makes no sense.

Andy: Yes it does. He's lying, Mommy.

you don't say

Me and Micah saw this guy named Michael Jackson and he did this really cool thing called the moonwalk and it really looked like he was walking on the moon!

cheeter cheeter

I was stuffing almonds in my gob.

Andy: Mommy loves nuts. She's a giant squirrel.

horses and wagons

Andy: Mommy, what year was I born?

Me: 2006.

Andy: What year were you born?

Me: 1979.

Andy: Wow. That was back in the old days.

definitions of nice

On a Friday morning, Ben was having trouble getting out of bed for school. I'd kissed him, stroked his hair, and shaken him gently. Nada.

Andy came in and decided to lend a hand. I left the room. When I returned, Andy was sitting on top of his little brother, belching in Ben's ear.

"Andy!" I said. "What are you doing?"

Andy replied, "I'm just trying to wake him up nicely."