bad things

Me: Andy, what did you do in school today?

Andy: I hit McKenna.

Me: You did!?!?

Andy: Then I pushed her down. She cried and cried.


Swell.

in the car

Andy: Mommy, can you sing the doggy song again?

Me: Andy, I just sang it 7 times. I'm tired of singing the doggy song.

Andy: Please sing the doggy song Mommy?

Me: Andy, why don't you sing the doggy song?

Andy: I can't sing it Mommy.

Me: Why not Andy?

Andy: Because there's a tongue in my mouth.

quandary

Andy is enjoying his new pool, but the catch is that he only wants to enjoy it in the buff. So, since it's been so warm, I don't have a problem with stripping him down naked for a swim on the weekends.

But yesterday was Monday. My parents' contractors were back at the house, working on the new kitchen. The mailman was afoot. The lawn guys were doing their thing. Andy didn't so much care but I thought for decency's sake I'd put his bathing suit on. It's so cute...it's blue and red plaid with a crab on one leg.

He stepped into the pool, squatted down, then jumped up and came running over to me, visibly upset. He started whining and crying and I asked him what was wrong.

"I can't swim in my pool, Mommy."

"Why not Andy? What's wrong?"

"I can't sit down in my pool."

"Why not?"

"My bathing suit will get all wet!"

I've created a naked monster.

whale pool

We've just had a heat wave in April and it's been wonderful. Andy has enjoyed it immensely. It was so hot that we decided to go out and get a new swimming pool. Andy's Meme, my mom, wanted to buy him a new pool as a gift so she gave me $20 to go to the dollar store and get a new pool. We were going to Walmart anyway and I decided to just get his pool there. Surely Walmart had twenty dollar pools, I thought.

And they do have twenty-dollar pools. But Dummy Me made the mistake of taking Andy to that particular aisle with me rather than letting him go with Daddy to the grocery aisles. Just as I was pulling the $20 pool off the shelves, his little eyes spied the slighty-more-than-twenty-dollar pools. More specifically, he spied a pool that had a sliding board in the shape of a whale.

"Mommy! Look at that pool! Look at that whale pool! I want that whale pool! That's my whale pool! I want to swim in my whale pool!"

The damn whale pool was NOT twenty dollars...

lousy mom

Time: 8am, Sunday morning.

Mommy, can I have some candy?
No, son. No candy for breakfast.
Mommy, can you reach my Easter basket?
No, Andy. No candy.

30 seconds elapse.

Mommy, can you reach my Easter basket?
[I say nothing.]
Mommy, I want my Easter basket!
No, Andy! No candy in the early morning when you haven't even touched those nice fresh grapes I washed for you.

Mommy.......I want M&Ms! [he climbs up my body in an attempt to reach his Easter basket on the shelf above me]

No! Do you want some pancakes?
I don't want any pancakes! I want my Easter candy can I please have it Mommy?
No, son. Can I make you some breakfast? Pancakes? Eggs? Toast?
Mommy can you reach my Easter basket?
No, son. I can't. I'm sorry.
Mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......
Fine! Here's your damn candy! Eat it! I don't care. Eat it. Eat chocolate for breakfast.

I hand him his Easter basket and go upstairs to take a Mucinex and pour myself a second cup of coffee. Then I return to the couch, feeling sick as a dog and incredibly stuffy.

Mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......can I have some pancakes?

No son. Eat your candy.

dome piece

We spent this evening at Andy's grandma's house. There was a lot of drama and there was a collective argument out on the lawn between some of the female residents of the apartment complex over some stray cats. (It's a long story.) I wasn't a fan of Andy being out there amidst the yelling and cursing but I couldn't seem to coax him into the house either. (Plus, I have to be honest, I was really enjoying the fireworks.) Andy got really energized by the fever pitch of the argument and began running around in circles. He was wearing his new Crocs, which take a little getting used to. He managed to trip and fall and whack his forehead. After a moment of tears, he got up and kept on a-runnin'.

During one pass, Grandma Diane's neighbor Eric stopped to talk to Andy. (Andy and Eric are buddies and they like to blow bubbles out on the porch together.) Eric asked Andy, "What's your name buddy?"

Andy looked at Eric and said, "My name is Andy and I bumped my dome!"

he gave you a what?

Yesterday we were watching a home video of this past Christmas. On the tv we were talking about our ride on the Polar Express.

Sitting on the couch, Andy turned to me and said, "We rode the Polar Express! Santa gave me a bell..............and a taco!"