never gets old

We're watching Andy's favorite movie, Cars. Towards the end, one of the characters says, "Punch me in the face!"

Andy: Punch me in the face Mommy!

Me: I would never punch you in the face! Andy, you have a beautiful face.

Andy: And you have a balloon face!

the honeymoon's over before it began

Andy is starting to get excited about the arrival of the new baby, although it's still quite a ways away. He asks about the baby all the time and we talk about how things will be different when he/she arrives. He's been very excited about being "Mommy's Helper" and wants to be my super duper useful assistant. (That should last a solid 2 days.) He's thrilled to be able to show the baby his train set and bounce on the trampoline together.

I hate to burst his bubble. So I haven't, yet.

Today I showed him one of our home videos from his early days. Specifically, when he was 7-10 weeks old. The video consists of a lot of close-ups of his baby face, a good deal of cooing, a fair amount of screaming and one or two vomits. I could tell he was trying his hardest to remain interested in the video, trying to see what about it was making me smile and "aww" and melt.

The last scene in the movie was a naked 10-week old Andy chewing on a washcloth for 7 minutes. (The hallmark of first-time parenthood.)

When I asked him what he thought, he said, "I don't like babies anymore", and got off the couch.

17 weeks; 36 years

At lunch:

"Mommy, your belly's getting big and fat."

Pause.

"And Daddy's bum is really fat."

hint?

Today Andy and I were going to the store after work. He asked me if he was going to be big someday.

I said, "Andy, someday you're going to be even bigger than Mommy."

He replied, "When I get big I'm going to be huge and I'm not going to fit in your dirty car anymore!"

probably accurate

Me: What did you do in school today, Andy?

Andy: I peed all over the bathroom and Miss Kim said, "Focus, Andy! Pee down into the potty, not all over the place!

correction

Sometimes Andy hears Shawn and I talking to each other and calling each other by our first names. And he automatically uses them too.

Andy: Shawn, can I have some chocolate milk?

Shawn, jokingly: That's 'daddy' to you, pal!

Last night at dinner, Shawn said, "Laura, can you pass me a roll?"

Andy's head snapped up and he spoke sharply to his father. "That's 'Mommy' to YOU, Daddy!"

yum

Aunt Sonya was reading her book this morning while Uncle Davey cooked us some eggs. Sonya said, "Laura, this is a really good book!"

Andy asked, "Mommy can I taste the book?"

I think he's confused.

nice try

Andy asked this morning if he could play with his Moon Sand. I said no, not right now. And turned my back on him. And therein lay my mistake.

A few minutes later I realized he had completely defied me and had dumped 2 pounds of Moon Sand out on my shag carpeting and was making the world's biggest mess. I was not happy and spoke sharply to him.

Of course he started to cry and ran upstairs and hid, and I could hear him saying, "Help me Daddy! Help me Daddy!"

When I got the mess cleaned up he came down and said again that he wanted his father. I said, "Andy, if Daddy were here he'd be unhappy with you too."

He said, "You guys are so mean to me! I want to find another family! I'm going to Meme and Pop's house. Maybe they'll be nicer to me!"

If my parents were in town I would have dropped him off myself.

bipolar

Andy: Daddy, I don't like you!

Shawn: Well then you can get your own donut.

Andy: But...but...Daddy I love you!

[silence]

Andy: Daddy, now can I have a donut?

in school today

Miss Kim approached me after school and gave me another Andy update. He's been formally dubbed The Funniest Kid In School, and it's got me worried. What is he going to say on any given day?

Well, today was Letter M Day. They sat at circle time and discussed words that started with the letter M.

One of the words that came up was "mud".

Andy: I love mud!

Miss Kim: Andy, what do you like to do in the mud?

Andy: I like to BE NAKED!

i'm starting to believe it

Me: Andy, are you pooping in your Pullups?

Andy: No, I'm just peeing.

Me: Why aren't you peeing in the potty?

Andy: Because I love peeing in my pants!

nyet!

The other night I was in bed trying to fall asleep when the sounds of 3-year-old misery snapped me back into consciousness. I could hear Andy rolling around uncomfortably in his bed. After a few minute he began to whimper, "Mommy...." So of course I went in to see what the matter was.

He was lying there looking unhappy and said, "My tummy feels hot."

Well, I have no idea what that means. Was he hot? Was he nauseous? Was he cramping? I asked him to specify and he really couldn't, other to repeat his hot-tummy statement.

So I hugged him for a minute and asked what he wanted me to do for him.

"I want to go barf in your bed, Mommy."

he *can* be nice

Just so you don't think my son is all violence and whining and insults....

Last night I was lying in my bed with the stomach flu while my Super Shawn took care of Andy and brought me sips of ginger ale and oyster crackers. (Gold star for Shawn, by the way. He's a keeper, that one.)

After they'd gotten Andy showered I could hear them in Andy's room getting pj's on. Andy was talking to his dad about Booba. And the last thing he said was, "Daddy, Booba thinks you're the bestest daddy in the world!"

And of course, being pregnant and bedridden and flu-ey and emotional, I shed a tear. And then, to make me feel even prouder, he came in and told me I was the the most beautiful mommy in the world. (Nevermind the straggly hair and barf bucket next to me.)

Note to self: Remember this when he's 14.

sassy saturday morning

This morning we were watching an ice fishing show.

The fishermen pulled out a big, beautiful lake trout.

Andy said, "That's a nice lake trout."

Shawn teasingly said, "You're a lake trout!"

Andy looked at his father and said, "I'm not a lake trout, Daddy. I don't have fins or a tail!" He paused and then added, under his breath, "You ridiculous schmuck..."