dude! it's water weight!

Last night Andy was fresh out of the shower and he was running around naked like a wild man. And it was so dang cute that I had to pinch his little bum.

I said, "Andy, I love those cute little butt cheeks!"

He said, "Thanks Mommy. And I love your big fat butt cheeks!"

circus days

Andy's exact words when they turned off the lights and turned on the music at his first circus:

[with huge tears streaming down his face]

"Oh my God! Get me out of here!"

i heard that

Me: Andy! Stop playing with the water cooler! NOW!

Andy, under his breath: Stupid Mommy....

Me: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY???

Andy: I said........'pretty mommy!'

ah, memories

Recently Andy has recalled the time he flushed his little toy car, Lightning McQueen (from the movie Cars) down the potty. It was very traumatic, and I had to call a plummer to snake the drain in case the pipes were blocked. And Andy cried for hours about his lost car. Sobbed like his little heart was broken. We had to go to Target and buy another.

Over a year later, he's been talking about that incident. He's asked where Lightning McQueen went and I've had to re-hash the whole thing several times. Fortunately he's no longer upset about it; he is curious, though.

Andy: Mommy where did Lightning McQueen go when I dropped him in the potty?

Me: He went into the pipes.

Andy: Is he still there?

Me: No, Andy. He went through the pipes into the sewer.

Andy: What is a sewer?

[Insert a long, complication discussion about sewers here. Include descriptions of pipes, where they go, what happens in the pipes, what travels through the pipes and where the pipes end up.]

Me:...and that's what a sewer is, Andy.

Andy: Oh.

[silence]

Andy: Mommy?

Me: Yes?

Andy: Can you get naked and get in the potty and get my Lightning McQueen back?

Me: Andy, I already told you that Lightning McQueen is gone. He's not in the potty any longer.

Andy: You need to get naked and get him.


(Why do I have to be naked?)

making friends at the restaurant

After we finished our meal I knew Andy had to use the potty. I took him into the ladies room and he asked for privacy. So I stood outside the stall holding the door shut while he did his thing, which took 15 minutes. (My arm got really tired.)

A lady came in to use the restroom too. Andy heard me say hello.

Andy (from behind his stall door): What's your name?

The lady laughed.

Andy: I'm pooping!

Lady: Sometimes we all have to do that.

Andy: When I poop on the potty Mommy gives me a poopy prize.

(pause)

Andy: Okay Mommy. You can wipe me now.

nudie

The new baby's room got carpet this week, and it's a wild toddler's dream because it's a big room with nothing in it except a soft, squishy floor. Andy loves to play in there, specifically to run around.

On Wednesday evening he said, "Mommy, can I take all of my clothing off and run around naked in the baby's room?"

I let him.

night visitor

"Hey Mommy, last night while I was sleeping a little bug came into my room and he left me some candy in my shoe!"

Is there some new holiday I'm not aware of?

still not quite

Last night we were watching a wee bit of Animal Planet and there was a segment about the Box Jellyfish (Chironex fleckeri). Andy stopped playing and stared at the television as they showed a close-up of the tentacles and their stinging nematocysts.

"Mommy, do the jellyfish testicles sting really bad?"

stall tactics

Andy successfully put off his entry into Quiet Time by 20 minutes today.

I was sitting in his rocking chair waiting for him to finish peeing on the potty. Then I heard a massive THUD followed by a scream of pain.

I ran into the bathroom to see him lying on the floor naked from the waist down, howling in agony. His back had a visible welt from where he'd obviously slammed into the marble shower rim.

Me: Andy! What happened?

Andy: I fell off and hurt my back on the shower!

Me: What were you doing?

Andy: I tried to do a somersault off the potty.

Clearly he needs to work on the dismount.

the pity party continues

Andy: Can I pleeeeeease watch my Looney Tunes?

Me, tired of hearing that question: NO Andy, I told you, I am watching my show.

[pause]

Andy, under his breath and with tears in his eyes: Poor me.....