checklist round deux

Last night Andy had obviously been working on his excuses. We put him in bed and went into our own bedroom to watch Monday Night Football.

Shortly thereafter, we heard our doorknob rattle as he tried to get his sweaty little hands around it. Shawn finally got up and opened the door. There he was, in his footy pajamas.

Me: What do you need, Andy?

Andy: Um...Mommy?

Me: Yes?

Andy: What happens if we run out of baby food?

Me: Andy, please stop getting out of bed to ask me these pointless questions. Please go to bed. I am tired of this. I want you to stay in your room.

Andy: Okay, Mommy.

Me: Goodnight, Andy.

Andy: But Mommy?

Me, exasperated and defeated: Yes, Andy?

Andy: How do you spell lamp?

checklist

Last night after we put the boys to bed, we knew we hadn't seen the last of Andy. We can always pick out the nights when he's not going to stay in his bed. Sure enough, 20 minutes after saying 'goodnight' we heard footsteps as he came down to find us.

Or rather, to stall.

I heard him on the stairs but couldn't see him. He sat there for 5 minutes. I waited for him to peek around the corner. He finally did.

Me: What's the problem Andy? Why aren't you in your bed?

Andy: Um......um.....[clearly trying to think of a good reason why he wasn't in his bed]...I think I don't feel well.

Me: Andy, you're fine.

Andy: Well, um.......I think I had a bad dream.

Me: Andy, you haven't even gone to bed yet.

Andy: Well, I heard a noise and I'm scared.

Me: Andy! Go to bed!

Andy: But I can't find my book.

Me: Andy!

Andy: Okay, Mommy. G'night.

huh?

Andy was going on and on about something that was really none of his business. I put up with it for a while and then told him I'd had enough.

Me: Okay, Andy. Just let it go.

Andy: Okay I just....don't have a zipper on my mouth.

ready for the nursing home, obviously

Yesterday Andy and I were sitting at the dinner table finishing up our meals. I began to look around for my phone as it had disappeared.

Andy said, "Mommy, what are you looking for?"

"My telephone, Andy."

He said, "Oh."

Eventually as we were doing the dishes I found my phone and set it on the table. Andy looked down at it and said, "That's an iPhone, Mommy."

I said, "Yes, Andy. I told you I was looking for my telephone, right?"

"But that's an iPhone, Mommy." Then he looked at me pityingly, and said in his most polite voice, "That's okay Mommy. You were just confused."