this is not happening

Andy: "Mommy! My bottom hurts!"

Me: "Oh no? What's wrong?"

Andy: "Kiss it!"



I didn't, by the way.

moo

Yesterday we took Andy to his first Belmont County Fair. He's a bit young for the rides, still, but the 4H section of the fair is perfect for a 2-year-old. We did the greasy food thing and then found us some chickens. He enjoyed them until a rooster let loose with a big round of "cock-a-doodle-doo" and then he said, "Scared of rooster!" We left that barn.

So we moved on to the turkeys. Which he liked until they started to gobble hysterically, and then he said, "Scared of turkeys!" We left that barn.

Then it was the pigs. Big swine, they were. He was pretty much terrified of them right off the bat. The wet snouts, the deep grunts and snorts...I can understand that one. We left that barn.

The cows? Scared of them. The horses? Scared of them. (Have I mentioned the two-year-old fear phase? I think it's here.)

The goats, though, must have a special place in his heart, because he voluntarily touched one. I showed him how nice they were and he stroked it's back and said, "That's an awesome goat."

So, I guess we should put that farm down-payment on hold and just get a goat for the backyard.

sweeping

I was sweeping the sycamore leaves off my front porch and stairs this afternoon. Andy decided to help. So he got into my pile and started tossing the leaves and dirt over his head, right back onto the porch.

I asked irritably, "Andy, what are you doing?"

He said, "Building a mess."

hack

Andy was coughing hard.

Me: Andy, are you okay? What's in your throat?

Andy: A cough.

misinterpretations

Playground this afternoon.

Andy was in a tunnel crawling around. Another little boy, roughly his age, approached from the other end of the tunnel. They met in the middle. Andy looked at him and then looked at me.

I said, "Andy, honey, please say 'excuse me' and get out of the way."

So Andy looked at this little boy and said, "Excuse me. Get out of the way."

ew

Last night Shawn and I were cleaning up the kitchen whilst Andy piddled around. Shawn was doing the dishes and I went into the living room for some reason. When I returned, Andy had vanished. This is always scary for me, even in the home, because the two main options were the stairs or the vicinity of the very valuable, antique, glass, family china cabinet.

I ran in there. No Andy. I ran up the stairs, afraid he was about to tumble down them and crack his skull open. No Andy. Okay, this is getting scary.

I ran back down to the kitchen and called frantically, "Andy! Andy! Where are you?!?!?"

From under the kitchen table I heard a little voice nonchalantly call , "Eating cat food."

He was. I said, "You're eating cat food!?!?"

He said, in a deadpan impression of me, "Oh great."

school days

This morning. 7:15am.

Me: "Good morning Andy."

Andy, rubbing his eyes: "Hi Mommy."

Me: "Can I get you out of bed and get you ready for school?"

Andy: "No thank you."