when shawn tried to play

Andy said, "No Daddy. I don't want to deal with you right now."

busted

Andy: Daddy, you need to go to school.

Shawn: I already went to school, buddy.

Andy: But you need to go back to school to learn how not to mow over Mommy's flowers.

jokey

Andy has a book that was mine as a kid. It's called "The Giggle Book". It's full of fairly inane knock-knock jokes and ridiculous puns. It almost pains me to read it because it's so dumb, but I remember loving it when I was young as much as he does now.

Thing is, he doesn't really "get" jokes. I have to explain each one, and he still doesn't really understand. The phrase "barking lot" doesn't mean anything to him, and he doesn't appreciate why a giraffe with a sore throat is so ironic.

For example:

Me: Knock, knock.

Andy: Who's there?

Me: Amos.

Andy: Amos who?

Me: Amos-quito just bit me.

Andy: Haha. That's funny.

Me: Yeah...do you get it?

Andy: Yeah. Haha.

(pause)

Andy: So, who's Amos?

*********************

After I explained Amos to him, he hit me with pun of his own.

Andy: Knock, knock.

Me: Who's there?

Andy: Chicken.

Me: Chicken who?

Andy: Chicken butt.

just you wait, part deux

Andy: Daddy, why are you so furry?

Shawn: It just happens, buddy.

Me: It happens when you grow up.

Andy: When I grow up I'm going to be furry. And I'm going to have an iPhone.

just you wait

"Daddy, why are you so hairy?"

paint peeler

The first super-warm day of spring wasn't as great as we'd hoped, because Andy seemed to have it in for his little brother. Consequently, he spent more than a few minutes up in his room, often staring down at us in the backyard angrily from his window.

At bedtime, I went into his room to lower his shades. There on the floor below the window were hundreds of paint chips.

I said, "Andy! What did you do?"

He said matter-of-factly, "Oh yeah. I peeled a bunch of paint off the wall when I was in time out. It gave me something to do."

Obviously I wasn't happy, and told him as much, trying to emphasize how unacceptable this was.

He answered, in a very sensible tone, "Mommy, you don't have to look at it."

he speaks the truth

"Daddy, your car is really grody.

Look, there's sand on the floor. And leaves. And paper.

It's disgusting.

You really need to clean out your car."