grandparental report

This story comes from my parents, who take Andy every Tuesday so Shawn and I can have a date.

Tonight they took him to Uncle Pete's, a riverfront restaurant with a close view of the bridges and the barges that go by. Andy loves these things, and perhaps his favorite thing is the tunnel. But of course, he couldn't see the tunnel from his seat on the deck because there were buildings in the way. His grandparents tried to explain to him that the tunnel was behind those buildings.

So he turned to the waitress and yelled across the restaurant.

"Hey lady! Can you move those buildings so I can see the tunnel?"

this is why

This is why we're bad parents:

Andy was on his swing and wanted his father's attention. We were talking and ignoring him because he's got a real problem with butting into our conversations of late. We continued to ignore him.

So he yelled to his father, "I'm talking to you, schmuck!!!"

We had a little talk after that.

(Of course, from whom do you think he learned that word to begin with?)

he's joking, right?

Andy was in his swing yesterday and he was, as usual, griping about something. Something about Nugget.

I asked, "Andy, do you want to get out of the swing and play with Nugget?"

"Nooooo!"

"Why not?"

"Because she's always biting my nipples!"

If this is true, then we either have a major problem or a potential money-maker on our hands.

little sneak

Andy: Mommy, can you carry me down the stairs?

Me: No, Andy.

Andy: Mommy, can you hug me down the stairs?

pee-yew

It's a hot and muggy day. Something around the general vicinity of Andy's big sandbox doesn't smell very good. In fact, it smells very bad.

Now with a 6 foot by 6 foot sandbox, you've got some serious acreage for local kitties to utilize for their toilet. So naturally I went out and bought a sandbox cover that fits beautifully and keeps the sand nice and clean. But...I will be the first to admit that I do, on occasion, forget to go out in the dark or the rain and take 5 minutes to fasten all the snaps. Especially in June thunderstorms. So what I'm smelling is, in all likelihood, exactly what I think I'm smelling.

I say, "Is there cat poop in the sandbox?"

Andy replies, "Nooooooooo", as he continues to dig around in God-knows-what.

"Then why does it stink so bad?"

"It stinks great!"

after the zoo

In the car:

Me: Did you have a good time Andy?

Him: No. I didn't have a good time.

Me: You didn't?

Him: NO MOMMY! If you don't stop talking you're going to have to stand in the corner.

Me: Andy! Stop mouthing off! I am sick of your smart mouth.

Him: I am sick of your smart mouth.

Me: Yes.

Him: Yes.

Me: Andy...are you repeating what I'm saying?

Him: Mommy, are you repeating what I'm saying?

Me: Andy, are you being a copy cat?

Him: Mommy, are you being a coffee cat?

no kidding

This morning Andy and I had a bickering session about something. I don't even remember what the subject was.

Exasperated, I finally sighed and said, "Andy, you are very frustrating. Do you know that?"

To my utter shock, he replied, "Yeah, I've heard that before."

As I live and breathe, he said that to me.