boy humor

After school today we were running errands and telling jokes.

Andy: What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Close the door, I'm dressing!

Me: What do you call a carton full of ducks? A box of quackers!

Andy: What did the car say to the baker?

Me: Um, I don't know, Andy.

Andy: I'll run over you.

fortunately, no

Last evening I was getting Andy ready for bed. Since Shawn is away for a few weeks I am trying to do as much multi-tasking as I can to get things done with two little children. So while I was toweling him off after his bath, I already had the toothbrush ready to go. Actually I had the handle in my mouth so I had two free hands.

When I was done drying him he took the initiative and grabbed the toothbrush from out of my mouth.

Actually the word is "ripped". He ripped his toothbrush out of my mouth.

I yelled, "Ow!"

He got a deeply concerned look on his face and said, "I'm so sorry, Mommy! Did I take out some of your teeth?"

oh-tell

Shawn is out of town, staying in a hotel.

Andy thinks his Daddy is staying in a show-and-tell. He asked me what Daddy was bringing for everybody to see.

whacked

Yesterday we had an unfortunate accident that resulted in Ben being run over by a train.

Granted, it was a toy train, but it was a big one. It was a box car, actually, with sharp corners. Andy was playing engineer over on the couch and Benjamin was lying happily in his gym. Somehow the engineer lost control of his train and it wheeled off down the tracks, took a dive through the air and smashed right into Benji's eye. Well, thankfully it was actually his eyelid. There was crying, screaming and bleeding. Ben actually stopped crying after about seven seconds, but Andy's anguish at injuring his beloved little brother was longer-lasting.

Eventually I got the ointment dispensed and the crying under control, and we were off in the car for a playdate. Looking in the rear view mirror I asked Andy, "What's Benjamin doing back there, buddy?"

Andy replied, "Aww....he's smiling at me, Mommy! He's smiling at me with his forehead bleeding."

i just might

Andy was throwing a giant rubber ball around his room this afternoon. It was making me really nervous.

I said, "If you break the ceiling fan I'm going to be really ticked off."

He said, "And then you'll throw me out of town?"

trunk space

We put Andy to bed at 8:45 tonight. At 8:55 we were sitting in the basement and Shawn looked at me and said, "Look over on the stairs." And there was Andy, peeking around the corner. I don't even know how he heard Andy coming, since Andy was creeping.

Me: What are you doing down here?

Andy: Um, I have a question.

Me: What?

Andy: Um, nothing.

Me: Well then what are you doing down here Andy?

Andy: Um, I have a question.

Me: WHAT?!?

Andy: Um, um.....how do...how do elephants drink water through their trunks?

Me: Seriously? You got out of bed and came down two flights of stairs to ask me that?

Andy: Yes.

Me: (sigh) They suck the water into their noses and squirt it into their mouths.

Andy: Okay. Goodnight.

is there a connection here?

We were looking at pictures from our Fort Myers trip and one photo is us with my Grammy in her room at the nursing home. On her wall is an enlarged photograph of the sailboat she shared with my Grandad.

Andy: Look at that big sailboat!

Me: That's Gandalf.

Andy: What's Gandalf?

Me: That was the name of the sailboat.

Andy: Did you ride on the sailboat?

Me: Yes, my grandparents used to take me out sailing overnight.

Andy: Who drove the sailboat?

Me: My granddaddy.

Andy: Oh. Were there cookies on the sailboat?