show me some love, Lancelot

Andy, today after school: Mommy, I'm going to be really nice to Benjamin because today we learned about Martin Luther King Arthur and how he wanted us all to love each other.

priorities

Andy: Mommy, can you go get me a CapriSun?

Me: No, Andy. Why don't you get it yourself?

Andy: I can't. I have to watch this show.

last night

The time: 4 a.m.

The place: Our bed.

We wake up to the sound of Andy wrestling with our doorknob. When he gets the door open he comes in and lurks beside a half-sleeping Shawn. He mumbles something about being afraid and Shawn pulls him into bed and we all go back to sleep.

Half an hour later, Shawn wakes himself up enough to take Andy back to bed.

Shawn: What was the matter, buddy? Why did you come into our room?

Andy: I was scared.

Shawn: Why?

Andy: I heard a honking noise and it scared me.

Shawn: A honking noise?

Andy: Yeah. [pause] Oh wait, it was me. I tooted.

And he smiled at Shawn.

grrreat

Andy: Mommy, this is a pretty house. Who built our house?

Me: Well, your great, great, great grandfather built this house.

Andy: Oh...why was he so great?

checklist round deux

Last night Andy had obviously been working on his excuses. We put him in bed and went into our own bedroom to watch Monday Night Football.

Shortly thereafter, we heard our doorknob rattle as he tried to get his sweaty little hands around it. Shawn finally got up and opened the door. There he was, in his footy pajamas.

Me: What do you need, Andy?

Andy: Um...Mommy?

Me: Yes?

Andy: What happens if we run out of baby food?

Me: Andy, please stop getting out of bed to ask me these pointless questions. Please go to bed. I am tired of this. I want you to stay in your room.

Andy: Okay, Mommy.

Me: Goodnight, Andy.

Andy: But Mommy?

Me, exasperated and defeated: Yes, Andy?

Andy: How do you spell lamp?

checklist

Last night after we put the boys to bed, we knew we hadn't seen the last of Andy. We can always pick out the nights when he's not going to stay in his bed. Sure enough, 20 minutes after saying 'goodnight' we heard footsteps as he came down to find us.

Or rather, to stall.

I heard him on the stairs but couldn't see him. He sat there for 5 minutes. I waited for him to peek around the corner. He finally did.

Me: What's the problem Andy? Why aren't you in your bed?

Andy: Um......um.....[clearly trying to think of a good reason why he wasn't in his bed]...I think I don't feel well.

Me: Andy, you're fine.

Andy: Well, um.......I think I had a bad dream.

Me: Andy, you haven't even gone to bed yet.

Andy: Well, I heard a noise and I'm scared.

Me: Andy! Go to bed!

Andy: But I can't find my book.

Me: Andy!

Andy: Okay, Mommy. G'night.

huh?

Andy was going on and on about something that was really none of his business. I put up with it for a while and then told him I'd had enough.

Me: Okay, Andy. Just let it go.

Andy: Okay I just....don't have a zipper on my mouth.