lunch with andy, today

Lunch with Andy (in its real-time, jumbled fashion):

Arrive in the kitchen. Try to put the dog out to pee but can't because Andy is standing in the doorway looking at squirrels. I try to move him and he stubbornly plants his feet because he knows I want him to move. I pick him up, putting considerable strain on my back, and put him aside. The dog goes out and she steps on my feet on the way. Andy runs off. I ask him to sit in his chair. He ignores me. I ask again. He ignores me. I order him. He ignores me. I physically pick him up and put him in his chair. I push in the chair and pinch his fingers. He bawls.

What do you want for lunch Andy?
A hard boiled egg Mommy.

I get out an egg, peel it, slice it and put it on his plate. Then I make myself some egg salad. I turn around and he's feeding his hard boiled egg to Suey.

Stop feeding the dog Andy!
I'm not feeding the dog, Mommy!
Eat your egg, please.
I don't want my egg!
Why not Andy?
I don't like it Mommy. I don't want my egg.

I sit down and pick up my sandwich. Before I can take a bite:
Mommy I want apple cider.
I get him some apple cider. I sit down and take two bites of my sandwich.
Mommy can I have some of your sandwich?

I give him a few bites.

Mommy can I have some water?
Andy I just gave you a glass of apple cider. Drink that.
I don't want to drink that cider Mommy.

He drops his napkin.

Oh no Mommy! I just dropped my napkin! I just dropped my napkin! (tears)
Here Andy, here is another napkin.
I don't want that napkin! I want my napkin! It's on the floor.
I get up and pick up his damn napkin.
Andy what else do you want to eat? You haven't touched your boiled egg.
I don't like my egg Mommy.
I know, son. What else do you want to eat for lunch?
Um.....um....I want pancakes!
How many pancakes do you want?
I want seven Mommy!
How about three pancakes Andy? I don't think you'll eat them all.
Mommy can I have some water?
Andy let Mommy heat up your pancakes first.
Mommy can I have some water?
Just a minute Andy.
Mommy Suey's barking. Suey's a bad dog. Suey's an idiot.
Andy please don't call Suey an idiot. That's not very nice.
That's not very nice.
No, it's not, so please be nice to her.
You're a nice girl Suey.

I put his pancakes in front of them.
Mommy can you tear them in half?
They're hotter than hell but I tear them in half and blow on each one until I'm dizzy.
Here you go Andy.
They're too hot Mommy! (tears)
No, Andy. I blew on them. They're cooled off now.
No Mommy they're too hot!
Well Andy you're going to have to either blow on them or wait a few minutes. Are you going to eat the pancakes you asked for?
Yes Mommy.

I take another bite of my sandwich.
Mommy can I have a bite of your sandwich?
I give him a bite.
Andy will you have some of your pancakes?
He takes two bites of pancake. He leaves the other two cakes on the plate, untouched.
Is that all you're going to eat Andy?
I don't like the pancakes Mommy.
But you said you wanted pancakes!
I don't like the pancakes Mommy! (getting upset)
Can I eat my sandwich please Andy?
No Mommy you can't eat your sandwich can I have some Goldfish?
Do you want a banana?
No Mommy I don't want a banana.
Do you want a fruit cup?
No Mommy I don't want a fruit cup I want some Goldfish.
Can I please put the dishes in the dishwasher first?
Yes Mommy. Can I have some Goldfish now?
Just a minute Andy.
Mommy can you get me down?
Just a minute Andy.
Mommy I want to get down from my chair and play with Suey.
Just a minute Andy.
Mommy what are you doing?
I'm doing the dishes Andy.
Mommy what is Suey doing?
She's barking at the squirrels son.
She's barking at the squirrels.
Yes, Andy.
Mommy can I have a bite of your sandwich?
Andy I just threw the last bite down the garbage disposal.
Oh dear... (tears)