handed my hat

This is Memorial Day, so we're all moving slowly and lazily. Andy and I were sitting on the patio furniture when he heard his Meme stirring next door. He immediately hopped up and ran to her porch to visit with her. Within a matter of minutes he was ensconced in cozy blankets on the deck and she was reading to him.

He loves this. It's his favorite activity in the world, with his favorite person in the world.

I went over after a few minutes to make sure he was behaving himself. Meme stopped reading the book and we said good morning and such. Andy was visibly annoyed at the interruption. When he could stand it no longer he said, "Mommy, can you stop talking to Meme now so she can read me my book?"

I said, "Okay buddy", and stopped talking.

Then Andy pointed to Shawn sitting back on our own porch and dismissively said, "Why don't you go talk to Daddy over there? He looks lonely."

And thus I was shown the door.

seriously, shut up

Andy has been a serious chatterbox lately. Well, he's always a chatterbox, but it seems like the past few months have been excessively talkative. To the point where we want to scream and put some food in his mouth. He literally cannot shut up.

Tonight we went to the grocery store and of course Andy blabbered for the entire hour we spent shopping. By the end of the trip our ears were fried. As we drove home, the running dialogue continued until our ears were ready to bleed.

"Mommy, I'm scared of the black clouds."

"Mommy, what is that duck doing?"

"Mommy what kind of car do you have?"

"Mommy is that man wearing his seat belt?"

I answered every question as evenly as I could without losing my cool, because as I said, this has been going on for months (years) and I am really, really pregnant and uncomfortable and grouchy.

Finally he asked, "Mommy, is that storm going to hit us?"

I said, "No honey, I think it broke up."

"What is 'broke up?'"

I said, "It means the storm fell apart and blew away."

"Who blew it away?"

Exasperated with the millionth question of the night, I said, "God, Andy. God blew it away."

"God?"

"Yes, God blew the storm away."

Andy smiled and said, "Good old God!"

horrors

On Saturday Shawn took Andy to Walmart so I could have a break.

The aisles in Walmart are fairly narrow, and Shawn had a little run-in with a fellow shopper. He and a lady were standing back-to-back and both bent over at the same time. Consequently, they bumped posteriors and were both knocked off-balance, almost falling over. Shawn was terribly embarrassed to have just crashed his butt into a strange lady and they both laughed nervously about it when they regained their composure.

Sitting in the cart, Andy watched the whole thing. He cackled.

Then he exclaimed, "You FATTIES!"

he's on to me

Andy: Mommy can you read me this book?

Me: Sure, Andy.

Andy: Yeah, and try not to skip any pages!

chubba dubba doo

Yesterday afternoon I was hurriedly cleaning up the house in anticipation of Uncle Thomas's arrival. I went from room to room rather frantically, picking up what I could, and of course Andy followed me everywhere I went and got in my way.

While I was picking up junk in his bedroom he patted my ever-expanding posterior and said, "I like your squishy butt, Mommy!"

I said, "Andy, ladies don't really like it when you tell them they have squishy butts."

He patted my rump again and said, "Oh, I'm sorry....Mommy, I like your pretty butt!"

streppy

Andy was diagnosed with strep throat last night. Fortunately the fever has broken and he is no longer contagious. He was a limp noodle for a while but now his attitude is coming back, a sure sign that he's on the mend.

[sitting on the Lazy Boy together, watching cartoons]

Andy: Wanna smell my foot? (He sticks his toes in my face.)

Me: NO!

Andy: Smell it!

Me: NO! Andy, get your feet out of my face!

Andy: Wanna smell my leg? (He sticks his calf in my face.)

Me: No, Andy.

Andy: Wanna smell my pj's?

Me: No. Why would I want to smell your pj's, Andy? I don't want to smell anything.

He smacks his forehead.

Andy: D'oh! That's no good!