daddy

Andy: My daddy's my best buddy. If he had to go to jail I'd go to jail with him.

really?

Me: Andy! Stop jumping on that chair! Haven't I asked you not to do that?

Andy: No. Not since I heard it last time.

the stalling continues

[Andy comes down the stairs when he is supposed to be in bed.]

Andy: Hey guys? I'm sorry but I have two problems.

Me: What's wrong, Andy?

Andy: Um, the first problem is...Mommy, I know you were trying to help me because I was hot but I'm sorry now I'm too cold. Can you turn my air conditioner down?

Me: Yes. What's the second problem?

Andy: I'm sorry but I'm still hungry.

Me: You're hungry.

Andy: Yes.

Me: Do you want dessert?

Andy: Yes.

Me: Well, there are some Oreo cookies right there. You can have them.

[He takes the box of cookies in his hands and inspects them.]

Andy: Or maybe these could just be a snack and then I could have dessert afterwards.

busted

Andy: Mommy, are you eating a muffin in that picture?

Me, deciding to be honest: No, I'm smoking a cigar in that photo. It was a long time ago.

Andy, shocked: You're smoking?! [irritated sigh and disapproving look] Do I have to tell you this every day?

stalling

Award-winning stall job by my son tonight.

Me: Andy, why are you down here and not in bed?

Andy: Well, uh.....uh......[idea hits and he runs with it]....It's just, you're in my heart and so is Daddy.

art lesson

Today we were watching an episode of "Little Einsteins". They feature an artist and a composer on each episode.

When they announced the artist of the day, Andy said excitedly, "Hey! That's my name! Except I'm Andy Roberts and he's Andy Warthog."

he may be right

"Mommy, maybe Ben should go to juvie instead of preschool."

precisely

Andy ran his car across the basement floor and crashed, despite my warnings. He fell and split his lip open and it bled pretty heavily.

After the screaming and bleeding subsided, he came back to the basement and began to run his car again, at full speed.

I mumbled, "Guess you didn't learn your lesson, did you?"

He asked, "What lesson?"

Exactly.

in tights

Me, to Ben: You're such a manly little man.

Andy: Are you talking to me, Mommy?

Me: No, honey. I'm talking to Ben.

Andy: Am I a manly man?

Me: Yes, you are both my manly little men.

Andy: So...we're menly mens.

happy together

Andy: I'm going to marry my own butt.

echoes of me

Andy got into a verbal scuffle with an older kid today.

He told me he said, "I don't think you should have your words all up in my grill!"

attitude and wee

Andy's best friend Wesley was here for the day to play with him. Andy was thrilled. So thrilled, in fact, that he couldn't tear himself away from Wesley to go take a pee. But of course I knew he had to pee because he was doing the pee pee dance.

Me: Andy! Go pee!

Andy: I don't want to.

Me: Go pee!

Andy: I'm not going to!

Me: GO. PEE. NOW.

Andy: Alright!

He peed, but he was so unable to focus on the task at hand that he whizzed all over the bathroom floor. I was not happy. I made him clean it up.

Me: Andy, watch where you're peeing next time. That's disgusting.

Andy, defiantly: Well I'm not ashamed. And it's not my job to clean up everything.

the apple didn't fall far

"Why does Daddy talk so much? He talks for a long time and it waste-ez my time."

at the dentist

"I wish I could eat my tongue and then bring it back up later."