funnies

While we were getting out of the car and gathering up our things, Andy stopped.

Andy: Wait, Mommy! I have to get my coat!

Me: Andy, you're already wearing your coat.

Andy: Oh. You're right! I hornswaggled myself!

underoos

Andy comes down the stairs in his underwear.

Shawn: Where's your clothes?

Andy: My leg was so itchy I had to take my pants off.

blame it on the intangible

Me: Andy, why are you bombarding me with questions when you should be eating your breakfast? You're already late for school.

Andy: That's because my naughty energy kept letting out silly questions.

i'm glad somebody said it

Andy: Daddy, how old are you?

Shawn: Thirty-eight.

Andy: How old is Mommy?

Shawn: Thirty-one.

[pause]

Andy: Wow, Daddy. You're a lot older than Mommy.