disaster averted, for now

Today I got a warning.

Andy: Mommy, bad news. Every time you don't feed me I'll starve.

spaghetti

Andy was eating spaghetti and wanted a little Parmesan for his pasta.

"Mommy, could I please have some of that pharmacy on cheese?"

i've had it

Me: Andy, you are making me mad.

Andy, casually: I'm making everybody mad except myself.

urologist approved

Ever since our guinea pig came home from the pet store pregnant, there have been questions.

The parenting resources tell us to answer questions honestly but succinctly. We've explained to Andy that our male guinea pig cannot father any babies because he is neutered.

It sort of translates to humans.

Andy: Mommy, are you going to have another baby since there's one mom and one dad?

Mommy: No, Andy.

Andy: Oh, did Daddy already get neutered?

so, that's a no

Me: Andy, did you eat those crackers I gave you for your snack yesterday? Did you like them?

Andy: Yes, but they don't taste like anything good.

theology lesson

Andy: So, in Heaven does God yell at you?

Me: No, honey.

Andy: Ever? He never yells at you even if you do something bad?

Me: No, Andy.

Andy: Wow, that's where I need to be. I can't wait for everybody to die!

thanks a heap

Me, trying on a brand new, rather short dress: How do I look, Andy?

Andy, smiling: Great! You look just like an old mommy!