chef ma

Andy: You know Mommy, if there were some kids who didn't have a mommy and daddy I might think about letting them have you.

[He paused for a moment.]

Andy: No, I changed my mind. I couldn't give you up.

Me: Thanks, honey. That's so sweet.

Andy: Yeah. Because I can't cook for myself.

helluva try, boy

Andy came down to see us after his bedtime tonight.

 Andy: My head doesn't feel good.

Us: Oh no! What's wrong with it? Does it hurt?

Andy: Yeah, it feels sort of funny.

Us: Honey, do you need some Tylenol?

Andy: It doesn't feel good.

Us: How, buddy?

Andy: Well, it feels...it just, it doesn't feel very sleepy.

Us: You're not getting your iPod in bed. Read a book. Goodnight.

daddy

Andy: My daddy's my best buddy. If he had to go to jail I'd go to jail with him.

really?

Me: Andy! Stop jumping on that chair! Haven't I asked you not to do that?

Andy: No. Not since I heard it last time.

the stalling continues

[Andy comes down the stairs when he is supposed to be in bed.]

Andy: Hey guys? I'm sorry but I have two problems.

Me: What's wrong, Andy?

Andy: Um, the first problem is...Mommy, I know you were trying to help me because I was hot but I'm sorry now I'm too cold. Can you turn my air conditioner down?

Me: Yes. What's the second problem?

Andy: I'm sorry but I'm still hungry.

Me: You're hungry.

Andy: Yes.

Me: Do you want dessert?

Andy: Yes.

Me: Well, there are some Oreo cookies right there. You can have them.

[He takes the box of cookies in his hands and inspects them.]

Andy: Or maybe these could just be a snack and then I could have dessert afterwards.

busted

Andy: Mommy, are you eating a muffin in that picture?

Me, deciding to be honest: No, I'm smoking a cigar in that photo. It was a long time ago.

Andy, shocked: You're smoking?! [irritated sigh and disapproving look] Do I have to tell you this every day?

stalling

Award-winning stall job by my son tonight.

Me: Andy, why are you down here and not in bed?

Andy: Well, uh.....uh......[idea hits and he runs with it]....It's just, you're in my heart and so is Daddy.